I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore