Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
