I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?