i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
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I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?