Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize