My first STD was from a foam party
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
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after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.