got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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