she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.