would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
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You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
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Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.