I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
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god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
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She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"