i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
