Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
