i may or may not be watching the land before time
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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