Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
