I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
