so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
