WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
