will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I love how my cats smell like pot.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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