Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
