i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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