OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
