I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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