i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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