Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
