just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
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My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
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We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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