it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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