Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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