Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
