hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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