So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
