just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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