I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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