she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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