What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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