thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
