I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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