The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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