garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And then the night went full on bisexual.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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