"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
