i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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