I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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