bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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