We're facebook friends in real life
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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