i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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