so explain again why im purple
no
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
