the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
