There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
