friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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