Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
