What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
