I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
