If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
