last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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