woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
