Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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