I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
