id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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