Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
