i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
