I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
