i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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