Im at strip club and am horny
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
