Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
