508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
