Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize