running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
