So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
