White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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