carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
