NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
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I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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