...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
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He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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