New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
