those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
