nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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