Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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