You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
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I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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