i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
