Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
