dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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