Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
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I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Please don't give away my fajitas
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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