Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
