The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
