Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
