i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She bit a glass in half.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
