I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
