I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
