thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
