Duck Duck Cougar?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
